I gave birth to our son 5 weeks after his martyrdom without him, my biggest human support. I had convinced myself that I’d need him there on this day, that I wouldn’t be able to do it if he wasn’t there keeping me strong and coaching me through it. My 3,2 kg boy came. My support had to be a muhajirah sister. My Ultimate support was Tawakkul. I knew Allah would make it easy, He’d pull me through with or without my half.
Alhamdulillah
If I could see you now what would I ask you?
How did it feel?
How was it when your soul left your body?
Did you think about us? Our baby? Your mother?
What’s your condition?
Do you ask about us? Are you told about us?
Will we join you and be among those whom Allah says the martyrs are waiting for?
Do you still love me?
I wonder…
I live near 2 muhajiraat sisters who were widowed; they each had 4 children and I wondered how they did it, how are they surviving through this?
Until the same thing happened to me and I understood. I tasted the sweetness of Iman during the days of my Iddah. They were absolutely the best days of my Muslim life and I’ll always be happy that it took Allah to take my husband in order for me to feel this boost of Iman.
The secret was realising that I only have Allah and that He is in control of everything including my heart’s condition and my emotions. Even through the tears, my days were filled with joy my nights were filled warmth.
I realised that Allah made the widowed sisters I know survive each day. Allah made their children be proud of their martyred father and filled with inspiration. We are proud to be widows of shuhadah and to raise their orphans.
As the wives of the mujahideen most of our time is spent at home waiting for the man of the house to come home from operations and raising our children.
For the first few months this was the hardest part about hijrah. I’m pretty sure I was borderline depressed for months having to live without my husband, not having family around and being in a foreign land. A big big sacrifice that we only have to hope Allah accepts from us.
Brothers and sisters we need to realize that Jannah comes with a price and our self-centered desires and expectations have to take a back seat.
I feel like in order to attain Jannah we need to do big things as Muslims, big deeds that we feel may guarantee us being near to Allah in Jannah by the Mercy of Allah. Something you can have to present to Allah a witness for you and not against you.
Alhamdulillah after over a year in Syria I’ve found a family in my neighbours and muhajiroon. I’ve learnt about Sabr, I’ve learnt about being selfless, more considerate and most importantly I’ve learnt that life isn’t about making myself happy but about pleasing Allah.
May Allah purify our intentions and accept our deeds
There’s a young Syrian sister who lives in my town who’s 18 years old and 4 months pregnant. She would always tell her family that she would beat them to martyrdom. It was a strange thing for her to claim especially to her 2 mujahid brothers and mujahid husband who would put their lives at risk constantly.
She once had a dream that she would be martyred and she told her mother about it. Nobody really took her claim seriously until a day came…
Her French husband had promised to buy her a cellphone as her mahr for their marriage as they were newly weds. They drove to the market area in the town opposite ours. She urged her husband that they should quickly pray their salaah and then continue shopping. They prayed and returned to the shops.
The shop was a few metres from our previous home we had recently moved out of. One of the biggest missiles to ever hit that town hit the market area minutes after they had returned from Salaah. Many civilians were martyred in shaa Allah, she and her unborn baby were amongst them. Her husband was left with injuries.
Her family could not fully be in misery as this is what she wanted so badly. They were cheerful, they couldn’t belive it, they were in awe!
A week after it happened my husband took me on a bike ride to see the area. I had never seen such destruction and such a big hole in the ground from an explosion before. It was just a few metres from where we used to live. My husband and I wondered if we would also have been martyred if we had still lived there. But Allah’s Qadr didn’t allow that.
If your intention is sincere you WILL attain martyrdom!
May Allah accept her and give her husband and family Sabr Jameel
At times his loss feels unreal, very difficult to imagine and digest. A mujahid brother mentioned to us how he dreamt of my husband; he said to him, “people are going to be shocked if they find out that you’re alive”, my husband just smiled that warm smile of his rahimahullah.
He still seems alive to many people, perhaps it’s a sign that Allah accepted his martyrdom. I hope it is.
In our area, JN or Jaysh Al-Fath representatives come monthly to give us the subsidy (money) that our husbands received while they were alive.
We get monthly food packs from the brigade which include all necessities Alhamdulillah.
JN/Jaysh Al-Fath provide baby clothes, baby food, nappies and milk when necessary.
Ansar and Muhajir neighbours love to visit and when they do they usually leave money out of their own generosity and concern.
Muhajid brothers frequently come and give us money from their own pockets and to ask what needs we have that they can fulfill (no free-moxong involved).
Usually our husbands allocate guardians over their families incase they’re martyred. So, the appointed guardian makes sure we are cared for and that all our needs are meet (no free-mixing involved).
Some women usually keep living in their homes, like I did, and some choose to live with other sisters. Living amongst mujahideen feels safe and I have no worries at all about living alone.
Brothers here love orphans so they visit them often and take our kids out to parks, target shooting, restaurants and shops. This makes the orphans so happy and they get some form of father-figure and role-models in their lives.
And some widows choose to remarry! 🙂
Alhamdulillah all Rizq is from Allah and He will never neglect the mujahideen/shuhadah and their families in this land of barakah!
He arrived at his destination and spoke to me at night. He said to me how he had spoken to an 8 year old muhajir orphan who had said to him that he’s afraid because he heard that the regime would attack our towns. This made him feel a heavy burden on his shoulders to defend the Ummah. He then asked me a question I didn’t expect:
“If I was offered the frontlines or the back which one would you tell me to choose?”
I answered him with a broken heart, “choose what you think is best.”
I told him I couldn’t bear to speak to him more as the emotions were a bit overwhelming. He told me to read as much Quran as I can, make lots of dua and to listen to lectures. He said he’d see me soon and that was it. That was the last time we spoke.
He wasn’t a coward, he loved us all but he loved Allah more. I knew what he’d choose. I had often heard stories of sisters encouraging their husbands to rush to the front row but I wasn’t that strong.
However I was strong enough to make dua that day that Allah grants him shahadah if it was the best time for him and the best time for those he’d leave behind.
Alhamdulillah at around 8am the next morning he was martyred in the frontlines while in sujud reciting the kaalimah.
He didn’t turn his back! And I’ll always be proud of him for that.
الله يرحمه
When he returned he warned me that the commanders would most likely summon them back to the frontlines in Salma in a few days. Just 2 days later it was time to go back. Though from the week before he didn’t trust that an attack would be made quickly to get Dourin back because of logistics issues and planning so he reassured me that there probably wouldn’t be fighting at this stage.
When he arrived there he did as he always did. He contacted me from the frontlines.
The text read,
“The brothers are giving each other reminders and motivating one another. SubhanAllah the atmosphere here is amazing. See you soon in shaa Allah.”
My reply was,
“Thanks for making me jealous! See you soon habibi may Allah grant you victory.”
He replied with Salaams and an apology because he knew how much I’ve always wanted to be in the frontlines as well.
He was there throughout the night engaged in Ribaat and returned not long after fajr because he said he doesn’t foresee a battle yet. I know he was hungry for one. He surprised me with his return once again. When I saw him I was pleased and excited.
Allah warmed my heart through this because in literally a few minutes he read a text that gave him an idea that an attack would be made against the regime at his original usual Ribaat point near Nabi Yunus mountain.
He jumped out of bed after barely lying down for a few seconds and said, “I’m going to check what’s going on.”
He left on his bike and went on the chilly ride to Nabi Yunus. Indeed there was a fight that would occur.
He put on his extra clothing and as I had done for every battle he went to he asked me to clip in his جعبة (the pouch they wear around their body that carries AK magazines, grenades and a pistol). He put his pocket Quran in there and his Hisnul Muslim too.
I said to him, “you’re gonna get martyred. I know it.” He tried to reassure me but I knew. I started to cry and he asked me not to cry and that he’d be back. But he knew how much he meant to me.
He took his bag, got on his bike and left…
The Ribaat point of Dourin had just been taken by the regime. The town was bleak and heavy with sorrow. For the ansar this was a big loss because Dourin is one of the biggest Ribaat points and without it the entire region from Dourin to Salma and onwards would be at risk of being invaded by the regime. The ansar would lose all their homes, possessions and their well-established close-nit hometowns which date decades back.
For the rest of the mujahideen who were muhajiroon it may have felt like just another defeat but my husband felt it deeply as if he were one if the ansar. He’d come back home from talks in the masjid about the fall of Dourin in tears and a grieved face. We both knew, we both felt that sooner or later something had to give.
A few days later he came home in a rush and told me he’s going to the Ribaat point set up in Salma to try get Dourin. I was shocked, it was sudden and I didn’t expect it to happen and for him to leave so suddenly without prior warning. He left me and what he had to do.
I sat out in our garden still surprised by what had just happened, still crying and still wondering whether he’d be home alive. I’d just look at the road somehow hoping he’d return.
I then saw a grey car approach me where I was sitting and there he was! It was him just over an hour after he had left. He said the ameer said they had enough reinforcements and those who had come should return home. Alhamdulilah I was happy but still I knew he’d have to leave again. Like I said I knew something had to give…
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